What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 01:28
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One cannot live in the past .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
How do you emotionally react to when others seem to feel sorry for you?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What is the word for truth and its meaning in Koine Greek?
Was to survive, this bastard.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Can you provide some examples of music with a free form structure?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We were not on the streets..
This is soul school!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What is the reason behind the Russian government's negative view on foreign travel?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I will be 64.
Why is that Hag Hillary Clinton so quiet these days? She is the dog that isn't barking
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was scared of men, in general
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I think the readers, may guess!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I could never make a relationship work though!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I said to her
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i do to all so called friends.?
When she asked me how she looked .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i lived it daily.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I have no regrets .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was seconnd youngest,
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was 9 years of age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
(And it was in our own minds.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It was going to be , some day.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
All the time i was locked up.
What did i know ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But, we were locked up after school.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So, i spoilt her more .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I don,t even have a pension.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why did i forgive my father ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ive learnt so much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Comes on , in middle age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So whats the point in blame.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She wouldn,t have been !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I waited trembling.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Would this be the day?
Im still living with it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She loved him until the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Put me off passion for life!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Who then, do I blame.?
She found it foreign!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.